Alice and Edward's Cafeteria Fight!
by No Sympathy For The Dead
Summary: What happens when Edward threatens to ruin all of Alice's clothes one day at lunch in the school cafeteria? Will Edward be able to escape Alice's wrath? Read to find out!OOC/BPOV/Now also available in APOV! Please R/R
1. Chapter 1BPOV

**AN: So this is my first Twilight fanfic. It's pretty lame and probably not that funny, but oh well. **

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BPOV

"EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN!", Alice screeched through clenched teeth. Everyone in the cafeteria turned to look at the sudden outburst . Everyone looked extremely surprised and confused. The Cullens were usually quiet and kept to themselves.

"EDWARD! I SWEAR! IF YOU TOUCH ANY OF MY CLOTHES I WILL CRUSH YOUR VOLVO!" If Alice could, she would be bright red with anger. Her breathing was irregular and her hands were balled into tight fist as she glared daggers into Edward. Edward just sat across the table from her laughing hysterically. While I starred at him dreamily, burning his musical laughter into my memory, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie looked between Alice and Edward. It was obvious that they were having one of their silent conversations. But, everyone was curious as to why Alice was freaking out.

"Edward…what's going on?" I asked worriedly. Alice looked like she was about ready to murder someone. The Cullens all turned to look at Edward, waiting for him to answer.

"Oh nothing…" Edward stopped laughing long enough to give us an answer that in fact, answered nothing. Alice slowly stood up in her enraged state. The whole cafeteria was enthralled by the two's exchange.

"Edward…" Alice said slowly through clenched teeth, "You have exactly three seconds to run before I tear you limb from limb and through you into a crackling pit of fire!"

"Alice, honey. I think you should calm down. You don't want to do anything that you'd regret." Jasper stood patting Alice's shoulder and probably sending her waves of calm, although she didn't appear to relax at all. Alice just shrugged his hand off and glared at him. Emmett just sat at the table laughing like an idiot chanting 'FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT'.

"One…." Alice started counting. "Two….." she began walking towards Edward in a threatening manner. Edward stood up and started running around the cafeteria. Alice stood there shocked. She probably wasn't expecting him to run off. She took off running after him yelling a string of cuss words. Rosalie looked indifferent. Jasper looked panicked. Emmett looked amused. But I just sat there completely confused.

"My bets on Alice!" Emmett said to everyone at out table placing a twenty dollar bill in the middle with a huge grin. He looked at everyone's faces expecting them to place their bets like a poker game. Everyone just stared at him weirdly. Rosalie smacked him across the head.

"Ow, Rosie! What was that for?" He said, rubbing the back of his head.

"That's for acting like an idiot." She rolled her eyes and went back to examining her nails. He grumbled under his breathe, too low for my human ears to hear what he said. I sighed while digging around in my pocket. When I found what I was looking for, I slammed it down on the table right next to Emmett's twenty dollars. Emmett looked up from his pout to the fifty dollars that I placed on the table.

"My bets on Edward." I sighed. "Although, Alice could probably take him. But he's my boyfriend, so of course I have bet on him…" Everyone looked at me strangely like I had six heads, green hair and my name was Fabio. "What? Can't I gamble a little?"

While we were too occupied betting, Alice and Edward were still running around. I turned around in my chair to watch them. Alice was standing on one side of an empty table while Edward was on the other side. They were slowly circling the table looking ready to pounce. There was a low growl passing Alice's lips when in a blink of an eye, she jumped over the table and landed on Edward. The whole Cullen family and I ran over to Edward and Alice. When we got to where they were, Alice was sitting on Edward's back with his hands pinned back. The whole cafeteria gathered around the two of them on the floor starring at them in amazement.

Edward was kicking his legs around screaming like a little girl. Alice was just sitting there laughing victoriously.

"MERCY, MERCY, MERCY! ALICE! PLEASE JUST GET OFF OF ME!" Emmett was laughing about how Edward got taken down by such a small person. Edward glared at Emmett and Emmett immediately shut up. Alice was too busy boasting to hear the 'small person' comment or she would have made sure Emmett would never be able to walk again.

Edward was sitting on the floor looking like he was about ready to cry when teachers were trying to break through the circle of students to see what was going on. Jasper was trying to pry Alice off of Edward so that she wouldn't get into trouble.

"Edward! If you ever threaten to do _anything_ to my clothes again. I swear I will drive your Volvo off a cliff!!" She said slowly with a menacing voice that sent chills up everyone's spines. Jasper was able to pry her off right as the teachers arrived.

"What in god's name is going on here!?" One teacher said throwing his hands in the air.

"Oh…Edward here thought it would be a good idea to do a strip tease on this table. But he accidentally slipped and fell off when he was taking his shirt of. We were all just seeing if he was alright….it was a pretty nasty fall." Alice said in a really sweet, innocent voice while batting her long eyelashes at the teacher.

"O-o-oh." He stuttered from Alice dazzling him. The dazzling apparently ran in the family. "Well, Edward, next time you decide to…do a…strip tease…DON'T." With that the teacher walked off muttering something about crazy high school kids.

"Ugh. Well I guess I lost that bet." I said handing over my fifty dollars to Emmett would was bouncing up and down looking like a giant version of Alice.

"Bella! What the hell!? You bet on me?" Edward said finally standing up from the ground and brushing off his clothes.

I stared at him giving him an innocent look. "Emmett was the one that started the bet. I was technically just defending you because Emmett thought that Alice would win…although I really did agree with him" I said but muttering the last part. All the Cullens started cracking up but Edward just looked furious.

"Oops…hehe." I totally forgot about their super hearing. Ugh! I'm such an idiot!

"I mean…I love you, Edward." I said flashing a smile before running for my life.

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**So there it is. I was thinking about making this in Alice's point of view and maybe Edward's point of view so you know the whole story of why Alice freaked out like that. I didn't add it in Bella's point of view because it just didn't fit very well. D:**

**So if you would like this in someone else's POV...now would be a really good chance to use that amazing green button below...you know...the one that says review! =D**

**~No Sympathy ^_^**


	2. Chapter 2APOV

**AN: Heeeey! So, i decided that i would post Alice's point of view. In this chapter you'll learn what made Alice go craaazy =D**

**I really hope that you guys like this chapter! **

**Enjoy! _**

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APOV

After going through the lunch line in the Fork's cafeteria, Jasper and I sat down at our usual table where the rest of my family was. Edward was staring at Bella lovingly while she ate that disgusting pile of mush those humans called food. That's when I began to think…

_It's it sooo funny how I'm just always right. I mean look at Edward and Bella. I told Edward that they would be together, but he was too much of a baby to admit it. And now, here they sit, starring deeply into each others eyes. _

Edwards eyes left Bella and flashed to me. A low growl escape his throat. I just smiled to myself.

_His eyes returned to Bella. His crooked grin playing at his lips. Bella looked up at him and smiled. He reached down and grabbed her hand giving it a squeeze before lightly kissing her knuckles. Bella grinned before stretching her body to kiss Edward on the cheek--_

"Alice! Seriously stop narrating mine and Bella's life in your head like it's a romance novel!" Edward blurted out right before I cracked and started laughing. Bella looked embarrassed from the deep red lingering on her cheeks. Jasper and Emmett looked at me like I was crazy. Rose just stuck her nose in the air and while looking at herself in her pocket mirror; probably mad that no one is paying attention to her.

_Why can't anyone just accept that I know everything. I can't help it. I'm just that amazing. Ugh! I'm starting to sound like Rosalie. Maybe I should try getting Bella to go shopping with me more, instead of Rose. We would have so much fun! Maybe I could take her to Victoria Secret and get some lingerie for Edward. Then he might actually crack! That prude *laugh*. _

All of a sudden a vision hit me.

**Vision**

Edward was standing outside of our house. The weather was the usual, wet and rainy. He was standing by his silver Volvo with a large green bucket by his feet. It was filled almost to the top with soapy water. The yellow house hose was in his hands with water running out of it while he rinsed his car. After a minute, he turned that water off. That was when he reached into the bucket and pulled out purple material. Edward rung out the water and started washing his car with the soapy material. That when it hit me! That was my brand new, deep purple, ruffled, Christian Dior dress that I planned on wearing Saturday to Seattle! Edward was using MY clothes to was his car! When he finished using my beautiful dress to was his stupid Volvo he reached into a brown paper bag and pulled out more of my clothes! He started drying his car with them. When Edward was done, he took the clothes and threw them into the garbage can in the garage. He laughed and walked back into the house

**End of Vision**

I can't believe what I just saw! Edward was going to use my clothes to wash the Volvo! MY CLOTHES! I started glaring daggers into Edward. He just turned and looked at me smugly. No one else noticed except Jasper who must have noticed my sudden rage. He grabbed my knew under the table and squeezed it asking if I was ok. I just held his hand while I kept staring at Edward.

_Don't even think about it, Edward. You know I could easily take you down!_

That's when another vision hit me.

**Vision**

Edward was in his Volvo. He turned the car off and took the keys out of the ignition. He opened his door, but before stepping out he popped the trunk. He slowly walked over to the trunk and pulled out over ten black garbage bags stuffed full of something. When he pulled out the last bag, a short, chubby man walked over towards Edward.

"Edward! You're back with more clothes? I thought that after the first thirty bags, that you'd be done. Boy was I wrong. Are these also designer?" The man said as he untied the bag closest to him and pulled out my black Prada purse and my black and white, Gucci, kimono styled dress that went down to about mid thigh.

"Ah! There's still more. My sister, Alice, was more than happy to donate all her clothes! She practically begged me to drive all these down here when she heard that there were people in need." Edward just chuckled and shoved his hands in his pocket.

"Aw. Such a sweet girl. You must tell her how grateful we are that she gave us so much." The man started loading the bags into a cart.

"Oh, I will." Edward help the man load the rest of the bags into the cart. "I'll be back in a few with the rest of her clothes!" Edward said as he jumped into his Volvo and speed off.

**End of Vision**

Before I could react, another vision hit me!

**Vision**

Edward was sitting in the back yard in front of our fire pit. Next to him was a huge pile of MY clothes. Edward grabbed a marshmallow roaster and used it to grab an article of clothing that was on the top of the pile. He brought it so that it was hovering over the fire, low enough for it to catch fire. He laughed as he watching my clothing burn up to nothing more than a pile of ashes in the blazing fire. He continued to burn more and more of my clothes until there was nothing left to burn.

**End of Vision**

"EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN!", I screeched through my teeth that were tightly clenched together. I've had enough. There is no way in hell that he will touch a single piece of my clothing as long as I'm alive. Complete silence filled the cafeteria after my sudden outburst. Heads turned towards our table, but I ignored them. "EDWARD! IF YOU TOUCH ANY OF MY CLOTHES I WILL CRUSH YOUR VOLVO!" I swear I would start turning red from all my anger. My hands balled into tight fist and I glared daggers into Edward hoping that I suddenly got a new power where looks could kill and Edward dropped dead. He was just laughing hysterically, probably at my hope for a new power. Bella turn and starred at Edward with a dreamy look in her eyes. Everyone else just seemed to be starring at us in complete confusion.

"Edward….what's going on" Bella asked worriedly after she snapped out of checking Edward out. The rest of my family turned to look at Edward, waiting for him to answer.

"Oh nothing…" Edward replied, not answering their question. I slowly stood up, shaking with rage. I just wanted to beat every drop of venom out of Edward. Who cares if there are humans in here! He is going to pay!

"Edward…." I said slowly through my clenched teeth, "You have exactly three seconds to run before I tear you limb from limb and through you into a crackling pit of fire!"

"Alice, honey. I think you should calm down. You don't want to do anything that you'd regret." Jasper said while patting my shoulder. I could feel him trying to send waves of calm towards me. They didn't effect me at all. I was still enraged. I was still going to murder Edward. I shrugged Jasper's hand off of my shoulder and just glared at him telling him to mind is own business. Everything around me just seemed to fade. I was in the zone! Ohhh, Edward was going to get it. I could barely make out Emmett chanting "FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT" in the background. He's such an idiot. If I wasn't so worried about exterminating my evil brother, I'd smack Emmett so hard his head fell off. Mwahaha.

"One…" I started counting. "Two…." I started walking towards Edward, threateningly. "Three" I said the last number in my head. Edward quickly jumped out of his chair and started running away from me to the other side of the cafeteria. I stood there shocked. I didn't think that he would actually run from me like a little girl.

_Come on, Edward. Buck up and face me like a man. _

I started running after him cussing as I went. Edward already had a pretty good lead. I started running a little faster, trying not to go vampire speed so I would raise suspicions. Edward stopped in his tracks near a table filled with Bella's old friends. He turned back, looking to see how far behind I was. But what he didn't realize was that I was right on his heels. A look of panic flashed in his eyes as he jumped on top of the table and ran across it trying to get away from me. He kicked a plate of spaghetti and it hit Jessica Stanley in the face. She started screaming. Then he knocked over a carton of milk onto Mike Newton's pants. Boy, Edward was going to have a lot of people after him. He got to the end of the table and leaped off. Following him, I jumped up onto the table. It was pretty much cleared after Edwards little fiasco. But sitting in front of Lauren was a small bowl of the school's chili. When I ran past her I made she that the heel of my shoe caught it and dumped all over her shirt. I never really cared for that girl. She was always mean to Bella. Ugh! And look at her clothes. They were terrible. Maybe not as bad as Bella's clothes, but they were still pretty hideous. Plus, they were all completely knock off brands, not the real stuff.

I leaped off the table and got my mind focused on my target again. I was catching up to Edward when we ran past the table we were sitting at. Everyone was too busy watching Emmett and Bella bet on Edward and I to notice anything that happened in the last five minutes, or the fact that we just ran by them. Edward was now desperate enough to start throwing chairs to the ground giving me more obstacles. Edward ran to an round, empty table and turned towards me. I stood on the opposite side. I could feel everyone's eyes burning holes into me. Edward and I started circling around the table. A low growl came from my throat and before I could control myself, I bounced over the table and landed on Edward, successfully knocking him down to the floor. He was laying on his stomach will I sat on his back with his hands pinned back. I could hear everyone running from their tables to circle around us.

_You totally just got beat by a girl. MWAHAHAHAHA _=D

Edward started kicking his legs around and was screaming like a little girl. I was completely laughing on the inside. Without me noticing, the laugh escape my mind and a victorious laugh continuously passed through my lips. That's when I heard a sweet sound. The sound of Edward begging me to let go of him.

"MERCY, MERCY, MERCY! ALICE! PLEASE JUST GET OFF OF ME!" Emmett's booming laugh filled the cafeteria as he laughed about Edward getting taken down by a small person. If I wasn't so happy, I would have made sure Emmett never walked another day in his life.

I looked down at Edward. His topaz eyes were filled with venom tears that would never be shed. That's when I heard teachers coming into the cafeteria and try to the circle formed by the students. Jasper grabbed me by my waist and was trying to pry me off of Edward before the teachers saw.

"Edward! If you ever threaten to do anything to my clothes again, I swear I will drive your Volvo off a cliff!" I said extra slow and added a little dash of menace. I saw Edward shiver in fear and I internally smiled smugly. I let Jasper pull me off and we stood a few feet back away from Edward.

"What in god's name is going on here!?" a teacher said as he threw his hands in the air.

"Oh…Edward here thought it would be a good idea to do a strip tease on this table. But he accidentally slipped and fell off when he was taking his shirt of. We were all just seeing if he was alright…it was a pretty nasty fall." I said in my really sweet and innocent voice while i batted my eyelashes at the teacher.

"O-o-oh." He stuttered from my dazzlingness. "Well, Edward, next time you decide to…do a…strip tease…DON'T." With that the teacher walked off muttering something about crazy high school kids.

"Ugh. Well I guess I lost that bet." Bella suddenly said while handing Emmett fifty dollars. Emmett was bouncing up and down in place, almost like a giant version of me. It was kind of creepy.

"Bella! What the hell!? You bet on me?" Edward said finally standing up from the ground and brushing off his clothes.

Bella stared up at him and gave him a really innocent look. "Emmett was the one that started the bet. I was technically just defending you because Emmett thought that Alice would win…although I really did agree with him." She muttered the last part. But us Cullens, with our super hearing :p, heard and started busting out laughing. Edward just stood there looking furious.

"Oops…hehe." Bella said obviously remembering now that we could hear her.

"I mean…I love you, Edward." She said flashing him a smile before running off.

_Edward. Remember, if you ever touch my clothes, I'll take you down like the little girl you are. _

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**So there you have it, folks! That was Alice's point of view!**

**Did you like it? Hate it? Well i don't know if you guys knew this, but there's this amazing green button that you can use to tell me what you think about it! If you hit it you'll get a cupcake! :p**

**~No Sympathy ^____^**

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